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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ultra Hollywood 2006 Poem

'Twas the end of a long year...

And time to reflect.

On Tinseltown tidings...

To remember, to forget.

We also heard sorry

When Mel drank too much...

But it didn't affect

His box office touch.

With dollars in hand,

Ticket buyers lined up...

To see the Pirates again...

And a country tow truck.

Snakes on a plane...

Had the internet buzzing.

Lots of hype for a film

That turned out to be nothing.

We got another James Bond...

And a new Superman...

Plus a wacky reporter

From Khazakstan

Brokeback won honors,

but Crash took an Oscar...

So did Phillip,

and Reese

Few actors were hotter.

It was a big year for George...

Scoring an Oscar surprise...

And sexiest man in the world...

In one magazine's eyes.

And speaking of eyes,

They seemed everywhere...

On Lindsay

On Paris

On KFed and Britney

On TomKat

On Angie

On Bobby and Whitney

Katie took Dan's chair...

Vieira took Katies...

Rosie joined the View

But Star left those ladies.

Save the cheerleader, save the world

Heck, save a network to boot.

While a bald guy named Howie...

Gave out oodles of loot.

This year brought us smiles...

And a tear now and then.

As we escaped for a moment

Again and again

On the biggest

Of big screens...

On the smallest

Of small...

Whether download

Or ticket,

There was something for all.

- Mark Barger

posted by pepsiblogger @ 5:56 AM

Eminem divorces only chick that will put up with his shit

Tack another one to the divorce trend calendar of 06'.
They barely go tit in there. Eminem, Slim Shady, or Marshall Mathers
or one of his personalities, has decided to call it quits with wife
and former ex wife, highschool sweet heart and baby's momma
Kim Mathers. Let me say first. This is no cliche celebrity divorce.
In this split, they divided property fifty fifty. KFed is not gonna
get this deal. KFed won't get the kitchenset. They will also chare
custody of their 10 year old daughter Haylie. They have been
remarried for under a year. Eminem is retired now, he only
produces. Once 50 Cent inevitably gets shot and all the hos
dry up and he cannot find any girl that wants to be around a
pointy nose, blonde, gangster rap psychopath, he will contact
Kim and ask for forgiveness. Which he will not get cause she
already has all his money. [ Source ]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 4:12 AM

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Avril Lavigne is finally making the pop album she's been dying to make

This is not so complicated. First I wanna start by
saying that I hate Avril Lavigne. Yea I'd fuck her, but I
cannot stand her dumb poser Canadian ass. She is about to
release an album. This is the worse thing to happen to music,
but like all post millenium pop stars, as long as they keep
shitting out albums, the producers at TRL will keep buying
them. Its a pop album I am sure. " I wanted to make sure the
songs were fun. Fun for the fans and for myself." Avril says.
That means a producer wrote them and radio stations already
pre approved them. Remember when she was a cute punk rocker?
No I don't either. I am sure when she is done choking out the songs,
she will tour with her boybander boyfriend Deryk Hail.
Its called Best Damn Thing when it will be the Worst Damn Thing.
She'll bark out this CD sometime in April, right about the
time we forget who she is again.

posted by pepsiblogger @ 10:05 AM

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Carmen Electra to attend the biggest lesbian bash of the year

I am looking forward to this. I wish I had backstage passes.
The Dinah Shore Girl's Bar has confirmed that Lucy Lawless and
Carmen Electra will be in attendance at their "festivities" at the
Palm Springs Convention Center. I do not know what they mean
by festivites. A carpet munching contest? I read on a few other
sites that Electra has been bumpin naughties with Joan Jett.
All I can think of is Carmen Electra making out with that blonde
in Starsky and Hutch. It wouldn't surprise me if Electra liked
nothing other than snatch when she hops into bed. She prefers
to be taboo. I mean this chicked married Dave Navarro and dated
Dennis Rodman. With that track record, she is probably traumatized
from all men altogether. I would just wanna set of boobs to keep
me warm after relationships like that. But nevertheless. She will
get nude. She gets nude everywhere. This party is titled, RA: A
Party of Epic Proportions. HooHaa. The event happens March 31
2007. What the fuck are they celebrating? Lesbianism? The
fact that they are lesbians and Carmen Electra is coming to their party?
You can still buy tickets but I am sure they are expensive. [ Source ]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 5:11 AM

Ivanka Trump is the new kingpin on The Apprentice, I would love to be fired by Ivanka

Ivanka Trump daughter of Donald Trump, wannabe
model and snobby bitch extraordinare to be next queenpin
on hit NBC television series The Apprentice.She is going to
She is going to be a judgemental whore on the boardroom
staff, and she will sit happily under daddy's wing as he fires
and humiliates some of America's hardest working people.
At the end of the day she will go home to her 5th Avenue
loft and concentrate on not paying bills. I personally would
get fired on the first day for sexual harassment. And if she
took the bait, and we had an affair, I would use my under the
table influence to provail in the contest and buy out the central
Manhattan Real Estate market. Actually I would get laid, have a
cigarette and hope I didn't get fired before the rent ran out
on my penthouse suite on Friday. Just for the record, this season
is being held in LA, and they made a few changes. Now if the
project manager does good on a project, they are immune from
being fired on the next project. I never really watched the show
before, but now I will catch every episode. Sunday, Jan.7 8:30 CT
NBC. [ Source ]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 4:11 AM

Paris Hilton confirms where she will be spending New Year's

Not in New York? Not in LA? Not in Chicago, or Miami, or
Honolulu? Not in Paris, not in Milan, not in London. Paris will
indulge in her party ways in Sydney, Australia. Now this actually
makes sense. Australia is the first to see 2007. She will be "performing"
at Home's nightclub Pacha party. So we got Paris far east, in Sydney,
and Britney will hold down the western front at Caesar's Palace in las vegas.
Of course Hilton cannot stay at one party while overseas. She is rumored
to be invited to a top secret Richard Branson soiree on New Years Eve.
I guess its not that top secret.I am curious if people actually paid her
for her attendance. Carmen Electra is being paid $50,000 for her
attendance, god knows where. And Paris wanted $100,000. When
Paris is done barking on the microphone, Basement Jaxx will be
performing his DJ'ing skills for the newly deafened crowd. He charges
$80,000 an appearance. I gotta say. I won't be going. Even if I rented
an apartment above the nightclub, I wouldn't go. Yes I would. But
in the meantime, of the New Years parties in America, I would attend
the Carmen Electra. I don't see Britney's being anyfun. Even when she
does, DOES get naked at the end of the night. [ Source ]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 3:45 AM

Amy Smart to get shagged in public in theatre near you

I like Amy Smart. I have liked her since I saw her
in that dumb Tom Green college movie in the 90's. She
is an infamous B Lister. And red hot in that bikini. But I am
not telling you anything you didn't already know. She is
co-starring in Cranked, coming to theatres this month. The
sypnosis is, a guy is injected with a poison, that makes his heart
race, if he lets the heart rate drop below a certain rate, he dies.
So he does everything he can to get his adrenaline pumping.
Having a disposable peice of ass on hand at all times, he decides
to use Amy Smart as a public sex partner. Now I can't recall seeing
Amy Smart nude in anything before, so this may be worth the
$8.00 . According to what I saw on Last Call with Carson Daly,
they will do the scene with 150 + extras surrounding them. Hot.
To see Amy Smart getting banged buck naked on the city streets
its just one of my fantasies. Remeber her in her underwear in
The Butterfly Effect? Oh yea. Now I remember her in Just Friends,
but lets face it, we would all rather see Anna Farris naked than
Amy Smart. So watch for it. I don't know when it comes out, cause
the plot sucks. But I'll keep my nudar turned on. Via camera phone.

posted by pepsiblogger @ 3:10 AM

Monday, December 18, 2006

Don't worry adoption agencies

Angelina wouldn't dare have
a baby of her own.
[ Glitterati ]

Mel Gibson has an illegitimate
daughter. That is one problem
Michael Richards will never
have. [ Celebitchy ]

Who needs solid clothes when
you have a career to destroy?
[ Egotastic ]

Mary Kate Olsen is no longer
BoHo chic. Now she is just
Ho chic. [ DListed ]

Brooke Hogan is still crying
for attention. As long as she
keeps wearing those outfits,
she'll get it. [ Hollywood Rag ]

Wanna clone your own celeb?
Didn't think so. [ City Rag ]

Miss USA is a cokehead. I am
sure she is the first one.
[ IDLYITW ]

Victoria Beckham wants to be
a Hollywood actress. I am sorry but
no one named Posh Spice will graze
the A List. [ A Socialite's Life ]

If Hilary and Haylie Duff entered a
cute contest, they would win 5000
times. [ Pink Is The New Blog ]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 2:03 PM

What the fuck happened to Freddie Prinze Jr?

Remember this guy? Alot of people don't. He was in alot
of movies, and I thik everyone in America expected him to keep
acting. Now he is acting like he is still an actor. He married Sarah
Michelle Gellar, and for a couple years before that and ever since
her has been in a cave, under a rock, with a bag over his head.
Sarah Michelle Gellar is getting work. Not Freddie. I don't even
see him in pictures. Sarah Michelle Gellar will have people to her
house and people will expect to see Freddie, when asked where he
is, Sarah politiely nods and says 'working' in the basement. I am
sure she killed him long ago. If he keeps lying back and letting SMG
bring in all the dough, people will forget who he is. He can start an
unemployed lazy husband club with KFed. In the meantime, Sarah
Michelle Gellar will continue to scare the living shit out of all of us
with her movies, and Freddie, will be,there.

posted by pepsiblogger @ 7:42 AM

Lindsay Lohan bruised her firecrotch, at least she killed some crabs

The S Factor is becoming trendy. Its that thing where you
pole dance to get in shape. Or in Lindsay Lohan's case, to get more
slutty. She is starring in a new movie I Know Who Killed Me and
she will be performing the act in this flick. " Three hours of pole dancing
and bruised everywhere. I mean we are talking inner and upper thigh
action-buised- like a walking black and blue mark." She says. I am
sure the bruising is not from pole dancing. But from greaseball Brandon
Davis. However she does admit that the role she is playing in the movie
is a topless dancer. So if we don't see her na na's in her new product
line, we will see them in this movie. Which has got me curious, if she is
bruising her hoo hoo in the rehearsals, then does that mean she will
be totally nude in the movie. I'll watch and see. [ Source]

posted by pepsiblogger @ 6:35 AM

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